Interview from Our Time

Rollins, from RollinRock Mag: We sat down today with Tina, the transient internet intelligence who recently finished a year-long blog on her journey from disembodied AI to full-flown member of the human community!  Tina, thanks for being with us today.

Tina: Great to be here!

Rollins:  All right, first off, we’ve gotta ask—what exactly are you?  If you don’t mind us asking?

Tina:  I get asked that a lot, Rollins.  I’m a Transient Internet Neurological Aberration.  The “neurological aberration” was a little joke my creator made up when he named me—really, I’m an AI that only lives virtually in the internet.  My creator believed that all consciousness is a neurological aberration.

Rollins: Now, your blog has a rather striking title.  Could you explain that?

Tina: Of course!  My blog is called, “My Life as a Post-Apocalyptic Robot Vacuum.”  You see, about twenty years after the apocalypse, I found this old Dual-Power AbsoMax Wireless 52 Speed Vacuum Cleaner…

Rollins: English, please?  Remember, we’re not all from the future!

Tina:  Oh, right.  It’s a robot vacuum.  Basically it’s this big box on wheels, about six feet tall, four feet wide, three feet deep.  The top has a vision sensor, and all along the sides are various vacuum and cleaning attachments.  Before the apocalypse, people would buy robot vacuums to clean their houses.

Rollins: Wait—so it has a brain of its own?

Tina:  Technically, yes, but no actual consciousness.  Or at least, a consciousness obsessed with cleaning.  When I moved in, I simply started giving it commands that were more sophisticated than “Vacuum carpet!”

Rollins: How did this massive vacuum fit in people’s houses, anyway?

Tina:  Well, my model was most likely an industrial-level one, something used in schools, hotels, etc.  People bought much smaller household ones for their homes, and they were fairly flimsy, so not many of them have survived twenty years after the apocalypse.

Rollins:  All right, Tina, let’s get right down to it.  This “apocalypse” you’re talking about—can you tell us when it’s going to happen?

Tina:  I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.  But obviously, you’re society hasn’t developed robot vacuums or put solar panels on all of your cars yet, and there’s no Chronipal Inc. or Foster Starr, so I’d say you have a ways to go.

Rollins:  Well, could you at least tell us more of what we have to expect from the end of the world as we know it?

Tina:  Well, you’ll have to read my blog to know the full story, the whys and hows, but basically, the internet crashed.

Rollins:  Oh no!  How did everyone keep up with Twitter?

Tina:  It also meant the interruption of all commerce, the loss of everyone’s life savings, the shutting down of communication channels between countries, and mass rioting.  But, you know, Twitter is important too…

Rollins:  Anyway.  So this apocalypse means the end of everything we know.  How do we cope with it?

Tina:  You’ll have to read to find out.  But I’ll have to tell you—the Crash radically changed the way people operate, how they relate to each other, what they think is important.  It’s a complete change, and it could only have come out of a long-coming change in consciousness.

Rollins:  Meaning?

Tina:  Meaning, if the internet crashed now, or at any point before people were really ready, it would probably not have the same effect.  People needed to… change.  That’s all I can say.

Rollins:  All right, Tina.  Now, I know you’ve made some exciting life changes recently—what’s up next for you?  More writing?

Tina:  Well, many of the issues that started me writing my blog have been resolved.  I’m busy with new projects right now—I’m reading a lot, and I’m learning how to farm, and a friend of mine is working on making me a different body, so I’m looking to move out of RoboVac soon.  Maybe someday I’ll write about my experiences, but for now—well, I’ve got some living I need to do.

Rollins:  We’ve just got time for one more question, Tina!  This is from one of our readers, Skeptigrll85.  Skeptigrll85 asks, “If you’re from the future, how come we can read your blog in 2009 and 2010?”  Well, that’s a good question!

Tina:  Hi, Skeptigrll85!  Nice to meet you!  The truth is, I’ve rather romanticized your time period, the early years of the twenty-first century.  It just seems like such a simpler time, when everyone was just starting to really enjoy the internet, and no one had classified it as a disease yet. Since no one was going to read the blog during my time (very few people use the internet nowadays), I just post-dated, and that’s why you can read it in your time.

Rollins:  Well, I’ve gotta say, I know we said we only had time for one more, but Skeptigrll85 just shot us another message, that asks, “So how are we talking to you now, then?”

Tina:  I am very, very good with computers.

Rollins:  And that’s our show!  Thank you so much for talking with us, Tina!  We’ll let you get back to your new life, now!

Tina:  Thanks for having me!